friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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