When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
