Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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