how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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