I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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