i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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