Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sounds like a blessing in disguise

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  (734): I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth (248): Sounds like a blessing in disguise http://tfl.nu/a82v
  Replies (13) Good night (2709) Bad night (999)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better

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  (401): tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better http://tfl.nu/1sqs
  Replies (21) Good night (3439) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He uses pillows to masturbate.

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  (708): He uses pillows to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/f9f4
  Replies (39) Good night (872) Bad night (3261)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.

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  (412): His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'. http://tfl.nu/510f
  Replies (26) Good night (5269) Bad night (2272)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.

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  (970): Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today. http://tfl.nu/sid7
  Replies (12) Good night (7179) Bad night (1504)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

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  (870): It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis. http://tfl.nu/5xg0
  Replies (5) Good night (2059) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance

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  (405): Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance http://tfl.nu/6e2i
  Replies (6) Good night (1843) Bad night (1141)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well

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  (215): And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well http://tfl.nu/3wlz
  Replies (3) Good night (887) Bad night (1800)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Is this the acid talking?

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  (256): Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive. (1-256): Is this the acid talking? http://tfl.nu/txi2
  Replies (3) Good night (1009) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.

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  (586): I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science. http://tfl.nu/0s8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1526) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.

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  (305): No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen. http://tfl.nu/b2oj
  Replies (5) Good night (837) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..

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  (306): I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights. (1-306): I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year.. http://tfl.nu/9s2f
  Replies (2) Good night (1213) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.

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  (913): She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor. http://tfl.nu/4jux
  Replies (2) Good night (693) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun

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  (270): I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun http://tfl.nu/24f6
  Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  To be fair I was thirsty

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"

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  (780): You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar (1-780): To be fair I was thirsty (780): When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!" http://tfl.nu/ztbw
  Replies (1) Good night (891) Bad night (438)

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