I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Text me some of your sweat
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