I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
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you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.