You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.