Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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