peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize