we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
