Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
