he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
