i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
