In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
