This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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