So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
