So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
