The maid of honor just puked.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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