can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
