Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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