hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
