the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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