dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
