he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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