Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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