My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
