I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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