We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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