Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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