i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
