The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
