i permit you to call me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dignity is for republicans.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
