so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
