Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
