remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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