he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
