Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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