Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
