I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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