Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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