Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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