I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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