It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
