I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
