Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
