did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
