I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
