I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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