please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
