Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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