Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
