We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
