I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
