Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
