either way he was missing a nipple.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
