can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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