mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
