there's paper in my vomit.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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