I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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