his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
