I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
