I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
