He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
