shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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