Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.