his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!