A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!