I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i came on her dog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.