I got chris browned last night
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
