i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
MIDGETS
????
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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