GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
