Midget sex pt 2 tonight
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
