I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
