I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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